My eyelids flicked open. The dark room was streaked by sunlight filtering through the blinds. I did not want to get up.
This is not normal, but the familiarity of normal is changing faster than the thoughts running through my mind.
It’s decided. I’m not in the mood today.
Instead of reaching for my journal, I rolled over and grabbed the Kindle. I have nothing to write. There’s nothing in my head anyway, so I might as well continue the book that’s had me in its clutches for the past few days.
Hours later, the phone rang and pulled me out of the daze, and eventually out of bed. Damn, I have to stop reading now and I can’t neglect the dog. He’s done nothing wrong. He just wants to go outside and play.
While outside walking the dog, I’m contemplating if I should go for a longer walk alone or just stay inside and curl up instead.
The morning drones on, passing into a dull day, but you know what?
I’m proud of all the decisions and the effort I made to seize the day. After all, it was already decided that I’m just not in the mood today.
I don’t expect to fully feel like myself all the time. That’s just wishful thinking. But the best thing I’ve learned, the thing that actually helps during the dark times, is to do just one thing I’d normally do when I’m fully myself. Nothing more, just one.
That simple thing becomes the candle that lights the path and inspires the first steps back to me.
